12 of 12 July 08

12:59 PM- I load my purse with the supplements I take for depression. A few entries ago, I posted about the SPECT scan I was taking. The results showed interesting stuff, but that did not happen on the 12th, so you'll have to wait for another post.


1:36 PM- Lunch at Clyde's. I liked the sherry vinaigrette they used on my arugula salad. I'll have to remember that for home consumption.


2:44 PM- Walking to the diamond store after looking at china and silver patterns in Bloomingdale's. I was horrified to discover that all the silver was actually STAINLESS STEEL. I don't want stainless steel formal flatware! I want silver! I want to have to polish seemingly endless stacks of forks, spoons and knives before a formal dinner. That's part of getting ready. Call me crazy, but I think that stainless steel formal flatware is leading to the devaluation of ceremony and ritual in America.


3:23 PM- Retailers are catching on to the fact that there's money in Chevy Chase, but I think they might be just humoring us. These stores look great from the outside, but if you look closely, they only have low-cost (for them) stuff in the stores; neckties, purses, scarves, etc. If I go in to Bvlgari I'm not interested in a keychain, you know what I mean? 80% of the folks around here think that having a mass produced LV bag is the e-pit-o-me of status, meanwhile they're wearing clothes from Caldor or some mess like that. In case you didn't get the memo, this is my super-snob posting for the month.


4:48 PM- A good looking spread greets us when we join our friends in Frederick for a cookout. There is a bowl of Cheet-o's on the table that will thwart my goal to eat in a restrained and considered manner this weekend. Damn you Cheet-o's with your salty satisfying crunch! Damn you to Hell! They were delicious.


6:21 PM- Our frends' son rapidly pursues other pint-sized guests. They had lots of fun.


6:26 PM- GMiller takes a call from his dad outside.


7:43 PM- I find release for my cupcake craving.


8:36 PM- Checking on the restoration work at National Park Seminary. It's going slowly. They priced the project during the height of the real estate bubble, and now the developers are full of rue, I'm sure. No way can people afford $500k for a dinky townhouse any more. They spent all their money on Bvlgari key chains and Chanel sunglasses.


8:37 PM- Here's a better shot contrasting old and new. What you can't see in the photo is the old firehouse that will eventually be converted into two or three condominiums. GMiller gets all starry-eyed thinking about that, though he wishes that they would just convert the whole thing into one big house. So he could live there. If they keep the pole, that would be cool, too.


8:39 PM- Since my last 12 of 12, the Colorado Kitchen has closed. That was a bad, sad day. The bright spot is the GSPOT (General Store and Post Office Tavern) that Chef Clark is going to open this October. You can see that there is a long way to go. I hope they make it, because it broke my Dad's heart when he heard CK had closed.


9:52 PM- Back home with a cup of tea and Law and Order. Check GMiller's 12 of 12 for what happens in about 45 minutes.

It's Not As If I Blot Out The Sun

My recent exercise in lack of impulse control resulted in a new wedding dress for me. I love it. It is beautiful, elegant and best of all, stain free. My original one was an antique and looked, in pictures, as if yellow paint had been tipped down the back. Not acceptable.

So I got this other dress, which fits now and will fit even better in a few weeks, as I continue with my fitness routine. The shop manager called yesterday to square away some details, and remind me that they cannot let dresses OUT. Apparently the saleslady told her that I was a whale, needing a shoehorn and much grease to squeeze in to this dress. Not acceptable.

Yes, when I put on my reserve jeans yesterday, I could not button them. Yes, it is my personal goal to get in better shape. NO, I am not fat. I need to get back to that happy place I occupied when I first saw the dress on; proud of how I looked and excited to surprise my fiance with my sophisticated grown-up dress.

12 of 12 June 08

6:32 AM- After working out, I get started on the side dishes for Friday's dinner. My dad and step-mother are in town, and Friday they wll meet GMiller's mother and sister. Because I want to spend time with my dad, and not heat up the house the day of dinner, I planned the meal so that I could make everything ahead.

8:42 AM- I've added Power 90 to my regular workouts, and GMiller is doing the program, too. This gun show courtesy of Beachbody.

10:55AM- My dad called to say that their flight was delayed out of Gulfport, and they missed their connection in Memphis. I'm looking up the phone number of 2941 Restaurant so that I can move our reservation to Friday.

1:55 PM- Since we had time to kill and no lunch plans, we go to the Burger Joint in Bethesda. I thought it was good for semi-fast food, but I'm not dying to go back. It was crowded with rude children and adults and was so noisy inside, the industrial pile driver outside was rendered silent. If I do go there again, it will be for takeaway. GMiller brings home his extra fries.

4:11 PM- Stuck waiting to go to the airport, we watch Starship Troopers. I've never seen it. I want those two hours of my life back.

6:08 PM- Finally on our way, we hit rush hour traffic in the city going towards Virginia. I know that the airport is RIGHT THERE, over the bridge. Didn't these people get the memo to clear the streets when I have somewhere to be? Jeez!

6:10 PM- I've commented on this before, but it is always striking to me that I live in a city with so many globally recognized icons. The Washington monument dominates the D.C. skyline.

6:42 PM- The long wait is over and with Pop and Mary in the car, we head back in to the city, discussing where we should eat. Just between us, don't you find an opinion easier to deal with than the "whatever you want" response that guests think is what they have to say to be polite? GMiller and I make a command decision.

7:25 PM- Seated in Colorado Kitchen, GMiller puts on his "do-tell-me-more" face for my step-mother's narration of... I wasn't really listening, so I'm not sure.

10:30 PM- Heading home after getting Pop and Mary settled in their room.

10:24 PM- The brisket for Friday has been sitting in it's rub all day, and now is ready to go in a very low oven to cook overnight. I'm telling you, make ahead is the best!

10:47 PM- Pepper is relieved to have strangers out of the house and puts on cuteness like a comfortable blanket, eliciting much baby-talk and kissy noises from me. He's my adorable scaredy-cat.

I Have A Mind Like A Steel Seive

It is no secret that I struggle with depression. Sometimes it's better, sometimes it's worse, but ultimately it's always there. When I lived by myself, and spent a lot of time alone, dealing with it was easy. If I didn't want to go out, no problem. If I didn't want to talk to people, no problem. If I wanted to cry in the shower for half an hour then go back to bed and sleep for a day, it was no problem. Now that I don't live alone anymore it's a big problem.

I'm not certain if the pressure to perform that I feel is self-imposed, or correctly interpreted. I go places I don't enjoy with people I don't like more often than I used to, which was basically never. I feel my reluctance to engage is seen as an output of my depression as opposed to a genuine aversion, and therefore challenged or discounted. Which makes me feel worse, and sadly, unsure of myself. I'm beginning to understand that as a part of a couple, I'll never again have anything just for myself. That I will have to say goodbye to certain things that I want or that matter to me. As you can see, I've got the buffet set up for my pity party, and the invitation has already been sent. To myself.

Since I know that I cannot change others, only myself, I've decided that I'll work on the problem in another way. Next week I'm going to get a SPECT scan of my brain. Basically, this scan takes place during activity and at rest, showing how all the parts of your brain engage. This is helpful to see essentially what's not switched on. When a trained doctor looks at the results, they can determine the best course of treatment for activating dormant processes, or reversing ones that need to be swapped. The graphic representation can look like a brain outline with voids where activity should be, or a power grid map with cities abandoned blazing with light or cities that have a large population completely dark. If the lights are on, but nobody's home there's a problem. Regulating the power grid is achieved through nutrition, exercise and in some cases medication. I am eager to get a better handle on this. Cognitive therapy has been enormously helpful, but I feel that without the type of deeper scrutiny that a SPECT scan will give, I've plateaued and will be aware of my feelings, understand my behavior, but continue to be unable to change either any further.

I am happy with my life. I'm lucky in love, work, family and finance. I want to be able to enjoy all of it to the fullest. And I'm going to find out how.

12 of 12 April 08

8:28 AM- I'm feeling neglectful of my household duties, so I stay home this morning to do paperwork and filing. I'm going to see a new doctor next month and have to fill out a ton of gross forms.


10:11 AM- I am a crack-up. If only either of us could remember what I said to get this reaction. Then we could all laugh together...


11:21AM- On our way to chocolate shopping, we stop at Colorado Kitchen for brunch. If you are in the DC area, don't let the opportunity to dine here pass you by. The joint only holds 50 people but boy is it good! A good value, too.


12:02 PM- It did not take long to share a patty melt and corn flour waffles. Gavin got bacon and a side of sausages with his waffles, I got crispy onion strings on the plate with my melt. All incredibly good. Chef Gillian Clark makes what is considered among the top 10 burgers in DC. Having tried two of the ten, I think she's the best so far. The waffles were awesome! Subtle corn flavor, fluffy and light topped with butter and maple syrup.


1:35 PM- After unexpectedly running in to some friends at the chocolate shop, they convince us to go to Arrowine with them for some free cheese and wine tastings. Like we need more to eat after 6 different kinds of chocolate and brunch. Remind me why I didn't exercise this morning?


6:13 PM- I wake from my food and heat induced nap to discover that the china I bought has arrived. The pattern is called "Dirty Dishes" because they're naked ladies all around the edge. I love it.


6:16 PM- MD heat wave+no building A/C=chores in underpants. GMiller vacums while trying to beat the heat.


6:47 PM- It is so hot in the condo that our wine needs a cool down before it's drinkable. Watching Good Eats and drinking a nice Spanish red is a good way to stay cool.


7:54 PM- Pepper also feels that it's too hot. If he were an old man, he'd be wearing dark trousers with a strap undershirt and a handkerchief on his bald head. Since he's a cat, he's trying to provide as much surface area for cool air as possible. A new renewable energy source? Perhaps.


10:54 PM- Both Casino Royale and the wine are over, and bedtime soon approaches.


11:15 PM- Flannel and Steve McQueen share a secret: You don't have to beat the heat if you're born cool.


11:51 PM-I like that every night spent with GMiller ends with a kiss.

If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics:

1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH.

2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic.

3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea.

4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics.

5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional.

6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12."

7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.)

(The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.)

ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.

I Picked 'em: Why I can't really complain about work anymore

Over the past few months, I've been checking out my options on the job front, as I've mentioned in a previous post. I felt like things were as good as they were going to get at my company for me, and that the things I wanted next just weren't in the cards. So I floated my resume out there, dropped hints, etc. In April, an opportunity falls in my lap. On a friend's recommendation, I get a cold call for an interview. I go, they have some of what I'm looking for... Same sort of work, same BD tool, more responsibility and FLEX TIME. The interview goes well and I get a call for a second interview. Again, the interview goes well.

During this two week time period, I have to do some tall thinking about why I would leave where I am and go somewhere else. I decide not to wrap myself in a knot about it until I get an offer, preferring to be excited about my desirability as a professional. While we're in Williamsburg at the end of March, I get the job. Huge salary increase, work from home 3 days a week (good for raising any small humans in my future)and marketing autonomy. The gnashing of the teeth begins. I talk with GMiller about it. I talk with MY dad about it. I talk with HIS dad about it. I talk with Group about it. I accept the offer. Now comes the hard part; telling my boss I'm leaving. I cry, he's upset, my staff cries... As it turns out, I am valued, trusted and loved at my current company. They don't want me to leave! What will it take for me to stay? After talking to my boss again, we agree to several things, including FLEX TIME. Hooray! All of this in the span of four days.

So I call the new company to decline and they are so MEAN! I could understand being disappointed, but for the love of Mike, my decision is not an indictment of them as human beings! They even got my friend to call me and try to guilt me in to working there. How's that for unprofessional and crappy? They could not have done more to cement my decision to stay with my current company. What a bunch of pus-heads.

Now my work is like a new fiance. We're wedded. We're registered at Target. Just kidding.

12 of 12 March 08

5:57 AM - Another late start on the 12th. I really need to balance my sleep schedule. Here's a beauty tip for all you curly-haired folks out there: scrunch with your towel, never rub!



6:42 AM - This is my favorite pose that Pepper pulls. I think he looks like a fat old man. Sometimes he even watches TV from this position. That's always entertaining.



7:02 AM- My building has caught on fire twice in the past few months, so the management is holding fire safety classes. Notice, too , the saving energy seminar. You know what would be more energy efficient? Replace the building's single pane glass windows and metal sashes with proper windows. That might work.



9:51 AM- It seems as if my job is an endless cycle of phone calls and paperwork if you just go by my 12 of 12. Take a long last look at my sunny beautiful office. I'm being evicted in April. Don't ask.



11:47 AM- The cafe on the first floor of our building is finally open. With the $2 in my wallet, I buy lunch. I chew slowly because it's teeny.



5:18 PM- On my way to meet my book club for dinner. We never read books, just gossip and drink. We're trying the 11th Street Lounge in Clarendon. I've heard good things.



6:14 PM- Finally! I got lost on my way. I'm surprised when I go in at how narrow the restaurant is. It looks really cute and cozy. Best of all, it's half price burger night!




7:39 PM- I forgot that you can still smoke in VA restaurants, and the evening ends in a cloud of fumes that will follow me to the car.



8:37 PM- Great minds think alike as GMiller and I take simultaneous photos of one another.



8:50 PM- It continues to surprise me that I'm so happy to come home to my handsome husband to be. The world falls away for a few moments with his kiss.



9:28 PM- My other handsome fellows can't keep his paws off me as we watch TV.

I Hate My Crappy Ad Firm

They are the worst ad firm I've ever dealt with. They have no concept of customer service, and their work is so sub par, there are no words. I wish I had hired them so that I could fire them. The best thing about working with them is that after I get two more ads developed, I'll never have to deal with them again, Hallelujah!

Let me illustrate the ways in which these knuckleheads have disappointed me.
1. Selling building democracy in developing countries with with machine guns and cigarettes. Literally. The sell sheet had an American soldier with a machine gun holding a cigarette. "Welcome to my country, I'm here to kill you. Sorry, I meant YOUR country. Of course it's your country. I'm still here to kill you. Bullets or cancer. Your choice."

2. Selling driving simulation training to the trucking industry by telling them to "crash and learn". Also, the simulator was pictured in a median strip... as if it fell off of a truck. GAH!

3. Suggesting that we develop a direct mail piece for our campus security assessment program and sending it out a few days after a university nutjob racks up a serious body count, while the incident is still "top of mind" with campus cops. Hey, why not show up at the funeral and hand out fliers? That'll really get 'em!

4. Sending text with typos and misspellings, when they were provided with error free copy. FIVE TIMES!

They suck.

12 of 12 February 08

7:41 AM - I was fifth on line at the polls this morning to vote in the "Potomac Primaries". I wore my sticker proudly all day.



1:19 PM - For lunch I have leftover Lion's Head casserole. The broth was well flavored, but I didn't let the pork chill long enough, nor did I sear the meatballs effectively, so they are a little dry. Good thing the recipe only made four of them. They got eaten despite the lack of savor.



2:36 PM- The view from my office balcony. This is the same office that I was promised prior to the move, then was told that I couldn't occupy, then occupied after four months in another office, and now I have to go back to my old office because the looming specter of "someone more important" has materialized. I hope they die of sunstroke. Then I can have my office back. That's the Masonic Temple in the distance. They have tinfoil dioramas of Moses inside. It's weird.



6:42 PM- I have an urgent need to examine the hem of my skirt. I feel as if there's been a loose string all day, but find nothing. Maybe Moses is sending me brainwaves from inside the temple... Let my stitches go!



7:12 PM- I am forever in traffic! I can't figure out what the deal is with this sea of stock-still cars, it's just rain! I found out later that it was a gross ice storm that caused all kinds of problems. I can't blame my sheltered perception solely on the fact that I park in a garage at work. Sometimes my head's just not in the game.



7:54 PM- I get through the traffic to arrive at my exercise class. I could not figure out why no one was there. I check the calendar, classes are scheduled. What's the problem? The hot line message says that class is canceled due to the weather. I still think it's only raining, so I'm PISSED, especially since I stayed late at work to take the class.



8:31 PM- In traffic again, this time closer to home.



8:44 PM- I'm not as conscientious as GMiller at checking the mail, so sometimes there's a lot in the box when he's out of town, and I get my butt up to the mailbox. This is mostly junk that goes right into the bin.



8:48- When I got home there was a Realtor's card on my dining table. I can't even get excited any more. My first thought was "At least they left the place as neat as they found it." Sometimes prospective buyers really trash the place, which is annoying because a) I can't tell who their Realtor was so my Realtor can call and bawl them out, b) It looks like hell when another person comes to see it later in the day, and finally, c) I hate cleaning up after myself and it really toasts my bread to clean up after strangers, too.



9:37- I treat myself to a Sazerac. My new favorite recipe is from the Brennan family of New Orleans, original home to this original cocktail. M-O-O-N, that spells Sazerac.



8:51 PM- This is a letter that should have gone in the bin at the mailbox, but they got me with the HUD logo on the envelope. With all that you hear nowadays about high interest loan holders getting a break, I was momentarily fished in. Of course, they are obligated by law to tell you that they are not affiliated with HUD once you actually read the letter.



10:20 PM- I am tired. You know, the pleasure I get at hogging the bed no longer outweighs the fact that I am lonely when GMiller travels and I'd rather have to share the space and the blankets.

If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics:

1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH.

2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic.

3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea.

4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics.

5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional.

6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12."

7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.)

(The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.)

ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.