Without The Third Leg, The Stool Tips Over

Have you ever felt like someone was doing something just to hurt your feelings, but behaving like that is so incongruent with how you've experienced them in the past that maybe you're just paranoid? I'm confused, and it's weaving a small thread of anxiety through my life right now. Compounding that is the fact that I'm feeling extremely misunderstood. I almost always know why I'm doing one thing or another, and can explain exactly why. I've come to find that key elements of my explanation get lost in the mind of the listener. Perhaps only every third word makes it in to the long term memory pan. Mix it all together and a complete fiction is born. The belief in that fiction is fortifying, apparently, since it is clung to most fervently and no amount of effort on my part can dislodge it. Guess what people? I'm out of dynamite.

12 of 12 December

6:50 AM - A nourishing breakfast of tea, vitamins and a Victorian era murder mystery. You know your day is going to be stressful when you have to unwind first thing in the morning.

8:22 AM - Pulling up to my office building with minutes to spare. I'm just that good. Today is the day of our formal holiday party. Since I live too far from the office to go home and change before the event, it's going to be a long day.

10:10 AM - I'm in the midst of preparing my expense report from my last business trip and placing a space reservation in our president's alumni publication.

11:38 AM - I eat my turkey, havarti and cranberry chutney sandwich while organizing my calendar. I'm really booked in December!

2:54 PM - I get to take a huge stack of approved marketing expenditures to finance. They'll rue the day they asked for all spending to be completed before Christmas. RUE THE DAY!

6:11 PM - I've just had my makeup done in advance of the formal party tonight. I have eyebrows! At last!

6:37 PM - I love this dress that I found on eBay. My favorite thing about vintage gowns is that you know that no one else will have anything like it.

7:33 PM - There are about thirteen numbers' difference between the table they told me I was sitting and where I actually found my place card. I really like everyone at this table, and I know we'll have fun at the party. The first course has pancetta in it. I'm optimistic about the food so far.

9:33 PM - The meal was okay until this ersatz BS hit my plate. White chocolate is never a favorite, but this low rent mousse was like Crisco whipped with sugar. Ask me how I know. Answer: I was impatient to lick the beaters whenever my mom made a cake. I've eaten my fair share of sugared Crisco.

9:40 PM - My colleagues definitely enjoy the open bar and unlimited wine service at the table.

10:05 - When the band launches in to "Old Time Rock 'n' Roll" the crowd goes wild. If they play "Sing, Sing, Sing" next, there will be a riot.

11: 12 PM - My childhood friend Lowly Worm always greets me with a smile. The cats are fond of him as well. Lowly and his apple provide hours of entertainment.

Bonus Pictures.

OCTOBER. I love a man in uniform. He looks like he would have lots to talk about, but really he's all flash.

NOVEMBER. Flannel is a make hay while the sun is shining type of dude. His watch word: vigilance.

12 of 12 If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics: 1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH. 2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic. 3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea. 4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics. 5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional. 6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12." 7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.) (The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.) ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.

The Seduction of Inertia

After being away for more than a week on business, I find that I want nothing more than to spend time in my house. Even though I have a lot to get done this weekend, I can't seem to want to get on the move. When I'm here, I don't have to think or feel. Or think about not feeling. Or feel like the life that makes sense for me and the life that I desire more than anything will never be the same thing.