Grocery Store ZOMBIES!

People, this is a plea from an efficient shopper to the aisle cloggers, the diagonal cart-parkers, the aimless wanderers, the unattended children and the "visiting a grocery store as part of my 'off the beaten path' discovery walk" tourists. Move to the right or left of the aisle and STAY THERE! The center of the aisle is for moving traffic. Do your pondering over which can of freakin' stewed tomatoes you're going to buy in the breakdown lane and let traffic through.

George Romero could shoot a horror movie in the Alexandria Trader Joe's and not have to hire any actors. It's already full of the Living Dead. DANG!

I'd LIke To Send A Shout Out...

To my constant companion of the last three days; Cold With Sneezing, this one's for you:

You Go To My Head

You go to my head,
And you linger like a haunting refrain
And I find you spinning round in my brain
Like the bubbles in a glass of champagne.

You go to my head
Like a sip of sparkling burgundy brew
And I find the very mention of you
Like the kicker in a julep or two.

The thrill of the thought
That you might give a thought
To my plea casts a spell over me
Still I say to myself: get a hold of yourself
Can't you see that it can never be?

You go to my head
With smile that makes my temperature rise
Like a summer with a thousand Julys
You intoxicate my soul with your eyes
Tho I'm certain that this heart of mine
Hasn't a ghost of a chance in this crazy romance,
You go to my head.

12 of 12 March 2007

7:24 AM - That Billy Joel song Movin' Out is about me! I'm getting my place ready to sell, which includes replacing the beat-ass counter tops and repainting. Not everyone wants to spend every moment in the kitchen in a violent state of blue. I don't either, really. I thought that color would work better.


9:04 AM - I need to get organized. All that paper on my computer desk is starting to bug me.

12:20 PM - I go for a Diet Coke with lime as a dessert follow up to my spaghetti lunch. There isn't any, but our bucket runneth over with cheese! One of our senior managers loves a cheese sandwich more than anything, and we like to keep our folks happy. Welcome to American cheese heaven.

2:40 - My boss and I trade this folder back and forth. His desk is more cluttered than mine, so the mail slot is the safest route for delivery. I am delivering the mail and I am ONE woman. Take that, sign maker at my building! (See 12 of 12 Feb 07 for explanation)

3:15 PM - Nothing sets you up for a workout like a cup of joe and two After Eight mints. I'm sure that's how Olympic champion Carl Lewis trained. Note that my desk is a little less cluttered. I had a productive day.

4:17 PM - Changing in my office for my workout class. I've got to hurry if I'm going to make the 4:40 class.

4:35 PM - I got myself an iPod now I have tunes with me wherever I go. This also helps get me in the dance frame of mind for my workout. I need a multi socket adapter for my cigarette lighter. I gots too much stuff to plug in!

5:50 PM - It was a good class. The high energy teacher I like was there, but I was trapped in Old Lady Land in the corner, so I had to watch out for shuffling Grannies at every turn. That will teach me to show up late.

6:26 PM - There's nothing like canceling out your exercise effort with a trip to Chik-fil-A. I tell myself that by taking the top bun off the sandwich, it's not SO bad. Then I get sweet tea and waffle fries. Where's the carb savings? In my mind, where it's always spring and bunny rabbits hop everywhere.

7:55 PM - In Annapolis again. They still haven't improved the lighting situation here.

11:10 PM - Jawing away on the phone. The call came through on my cell, so even though I'm at home, I have to sit in the parking lot to finish the call, because I get zero cell reception in my apartment.

11:30 PM - Pepper runs as if I've come to the door to kill him. Flannel thinks he's a fool. You can see the disdain in the set of his ears. Don't look at the huge bag of shoes spilling on to the carpet. Nothing to see here, people!

Bonus Pic: Green - Super green! I guess it's homecoming season, and time for the retailers to start foisting teen dream visions of elegance on unsuspecting youth. This sea of acid green tulle and pink flowers reminds me of my birthday cake when I was two. That was some good frosting, y'all. I think these dresses look pretty much what I imagined a sophisticated woman would wear when I was 14. Thank God I grew out of that!

If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics:1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH.2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic.3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea.4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics.5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional.6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12."7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.)(The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.)ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.

Postsecret Sympathy

I saw this on Postsecret today. I don't feel this way, but I know a couple of people who probably do, and it's probably a secret even from themselves. The post below it was an email message reading: "I'm afraid to get better because I don't know who I am beyond this." I'll bet that's true for the people I'm thinking of, too. I have friends who deal with various mental and physical ailments, as I do. Sometimes they combine to conspire against us, but I don't think any of us feel defined by those health issues. I feel bad for folks whose whole lives revolve around being a sick person. I'll bet that really stinks.

Why does this conversation sound so familiar?

Two New Yorkers geek about how advanced the dance programming should be in robots appearing in the near future. This exchange reminded me of the heated discussions I used to have with an ex over why Star Wars's C3PO was so physically stunted, but obviously had mad programming in the synapses department to have so many emotions while Star Trek's Data was fully articulated but no one bothered to build his brain big enough to experience emotion on a human level. Raise your hand if you really believe that the child Anniken Skywalker was a programming GENIUS... that's what I thought. Why was this even a topic of conversation? And DON'T get me started on the David character from AI: Artificial Intelligence versus Data, we'll be here all day!

Um, Shouldn't We Find Some Girls to Talk To?

Hipster #1 with thick-framed glasses: Yeah, he could do the robot [does crappy robot dance].
Hipster #2: You are so lame.
Hipster #1: No, it's funny.
Hipster #2: It's not realistic.
Hipster #1: It's supposed to be how a robot would dance. What's not realistic about it?
Hipster #2: Yeah, so a robot programmed well enough to have a dance function would do what you just did...
Hipster #1: Probably.
Hipster #2: If they were to program a robot human enough to have a dance function it would have to be incredibly advanced and I don't think an incredibly advanced life-like robot would be programed with such stiff moves. They would almost certainly give him at least slightly groovier moves.
Hipster #1: I think you're thinking of a super advanced robot. I mean, we're just talking about, like, a robot that appears in the next decade.

--Hipster dance bar

Overheard by: Brian D. Adams

via Overheard in New York, Mar 3, 2007

P.S. Don't send me nasty comments about Data's emotions being resident on a chip. Everyone knows that the reason he didn't use the chip was because it would melt his brain.

Put Up Yer Dukes!

Right now a friend of mine is dealing with a situation that resonates with me greatly. She can take care of herself, don't misunderstand. In this situation, though, she should have a champion. Someone that tells her that she is right, and acts to make things change. If it were my place, I would stand up for her and demand the rudiments of civility and respect on her behalf. My ears are back! Grrrrr.

Don't Try This At Home

My soaking licorice scottie dogs in bourbon was a gross failure, in both senses of the word. A large waste of my favorite brown spirits, and an unsavory result. I was hoping for an approximation of the Sazerac in cheerful puppy form, but the flavors didn't marry well. They were too distinct and sharp as opposed to the smooth blended notes of the cocktail.

I think I'll stick to gummy lifesavers in vodka. That's a time tested bowl of yum. Don't eat the whole bowl yourself, drunky!

12 of 12 February 07

7:44 AM- Winter precipitation sends everyone into a panicked tailspin where I live, which would make sense if we got a lot of it. We don't. My parking lot looks like a salt bomb hit it from the last little bit of snow we got. If I want to throw a Midwinter Margarita party, I've got the salt hook up!

8:06 AM - Taking a drive through Rock Creek Park instead of the main artery of the city always provides plenty to look at. It's not often cold enough for long enough to freeze the creek since the water moves pretty fast in places.

10:51 AM - Responding to emails and trying to keep my inbox from exceeding the limit. It's rarely the actual emails that trigger the shut down, rather the deleted and sent bins always get me in trouble with our email server.

11:51 AM - I recently acquired a scanner account, but I can't access any of the documents I just worked on. Help Desk Ticket, take me away! Don't you wish you could hit the "send problem" button in other parts of your life? I sure do.

12:29 PM - With my scanner account fixed, I can re scan the papers that I've already scanned twice. Implementing new processes is fun!

12:52 PM - On the phone with my Trade Show Coordinator. I swear that this phone conversation was not as serious as it looks. We crack each other up and have a good time on most calls, including this one.

6:50 PM - Did you like that big gap? I thought I was going to lunch with a friend today, but that didn't pan out. I was planning to take pictures of that. Now you get to see the traffic I had to sit in for an hour and a half getting to Annapolis tonight.

8:09 PM - I finally arrive in Annapolis. I wish there were more lights around this joint. It gets pretty dark.

9:38 PM - Because I was stuck in traffic, dinner wasn't an option. On my way home I dine on licorice and wonder briefly whether these candies would taste good soaked in rye. The liquor would make them soft and more chewy. It might taste like a Sazerac, my favorite cocktail, or it might taste like ass. Maybe I'll do a weekend experiment...

10:57 PM - Whoever wrote this sign in my lobby did not see Annie Get Your Gun. If they had, they would know "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better". It does not take two or more females to do the job of one male letter carrier.

11:04 PM - I got the Stuff On My Cat calendar for Christmas. I wish my cats were patient/stupid enough to wear hats. They want no truck with finery. I have to live vicariously through other more fashion forward felines.

11:12 PM - These books are getting on my nerves. I'm working up to getting boxes to put them in. I don't want to give them away, but I'm kind of sick of looking at them after, in some cases, three decades.

Bonus Picture: LOVE - You know it's the seventies when you're wearing olive green coveralls with a pink satin elephant applique on the bib. I love my mother. She was always the Valentine I could count on. BTW. That IS a bow taped to my head, people.

If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics:
1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH.
2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic.
3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea.
4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics.
5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional.
6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12."
7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.)
(The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.)
ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.

I Love This Man

I love this man when I am happy, sad, bored, enthusiastic, sacred, awake, asleep, hesitant, depressed, optimistic, when I'm thinking of everything but him, and when I'm thinking only of him. I love him more than Pepper hates the Dyson.

I love this man when he is happy, frustrated, elated, enthusiastic, scared, angry, asleep, awake, bored, reluctant, sad, pensive, when his life hurries up and when it slows down. I love his passion for the things and people that are important to him.

I love him when he is stoic and when he is tender. I love him when we are together and when we're apart. I love the ten minutes before he gets to my place for a date because I have the anticipation of seeing him followed by the release of throwing my arms around him and letting the happiness shining from every pore in my body soak in to his skin as I hug him.

When I'm sure of nothing else in my life, I'm sure I love this man.

Hep Cat Brigade Parties at PX

My birthday is Wednesday. A night of hard drinking is not a good idea in the middle of the week, so six of us boozed it up on Saturday last. I chose PX as the site. The master mixologist of the place was recently written up in Playboy magazine. Perhaps some of you saw the item while reading the articles, which is why most folks buy the magazine, as I understand it. ANYWAY, back to the most important part: MY DRESS. It is no secret that I love vintage dresses, and this one is great.

My date was great, too. I am drinking a Rosemary Gibson, which was delicious, but made my friend Megan have a puss face when she tried it. "Don't give me any more sips of your drinks!" was her request. I like drinks that are heartier than most, which is why I like PX. The drinks taste clean and not too sweet. The Grog is probably the sweetest thing on the menu and it goes down quick.

Astute Craftsman or Talentless Hack?

The special guest performer on an episode of Chappelle's Show a few days ago was a rapper called "Fat Joe". He was very fat. His act consisted of a lot of people performing vocal and musical repeating phrases while he hollered what! uh! and chimed in off key to the chorus from time to time. Why is this person famous? Why are so many like him the toast of the hip hop world? Are they the same sorts of people that keep putting Marion Barry in office?

Watching and listening to his act it was easy to see several things:
1. The performers were replicating what machines created in the recording studio.
2. Having to watch Fat Joe holler his exclamations in front of a beatbox with a taped track playing would be boring and pointless, but probably more like how it really is.
3. The singers performing the vocal loop had more talent than the featured performer.
4. Quilted fabric is a mistake for the "festively plump".

Then I thought, "Maybe I"m wrong about Fat Joe and those like Fat Joe." Perhaps the whole composition was his brainchild. Could he be like Mozart or Bach, leading others in the performance of a work that was solely his creation? Did he listen to old school jams over and over to find the right hook? Did he slave away over his lyrics notebook, first inspired then despondent that the words would never flow then elated to pen the lines that perfectly fit the mood of the piece? My suspicion is that a truly talented producer is using the charisma and appeal of this front man to advance his own interests.

12 of 12 January 2007

7:16 AM - A last minute review of the recipes that I'll be fixing for my dinner with friends tonight. I have a few things to pick up on my lunch hour.

8:36 AM - I only talk on my cell phone in the car. I just got this Bluetooth headset that makes driving a whole lot easier, not to mention keeps me legal in DC. I have a friend who will tease me now that I'm one of the "Borg".

9:16 AM - The Washington Post website always loads so frickin' slow when I'm trying to use it at the office. I hate that. All I want is to scan the headlines. Is that too much to ask? For Pete's sake, Post, analyze your peak usage rates and get more server power. Geesh.

11:58 AM- I just finished picking up the few things I need for dinner tonight plus a burrito for lunchie.

3:56 PM - It is much more cold and gray when I leave than it was when I came in. I decided to scoot out a little early to get a head start on my holiday weekend. As my blog will tell you, I love Dr. the King and I choose to celebrate in a non-violent way by avoiding DC rush hour traffic.

5:56 PM - Pepper views the vaccumn cleaner with a hatred born of fear. Not like the "don't sass me or you'll get the beat down" hatred he holds for the humidifier. He knows the Dyson will kick his ass, and since it never loses suction, it will always win.

7:18 PM- I peek in on the pork roast I'm making for dinner. I've made more than I need for this meal with the intention of fixing Carolina pork barbecue later in the week. In about 40 minutes a roasting pan of oiled sliced fennel and leeks will join Mr. Piggy in the oven.

10:23 PM- My friends Robert, Will and Heather join me for dinner. We always end up talking more than we eat, so we didn't sit down to dinner until late. The lemon rice was still warm, though.

12:05 AM- I have to pile all the dishes with food in them on the small counter and open the dishwasher so that the cats won't jump up and try to eat it.

12:13 AM- Pepper would like to know why a) he can't sit at the table like people when we're eating and b) why I didn't save him a plate, since he couldn't be served like a regular person. As you can see from his fatness, he doesn't really need any more food from a plate, out of a bowl, with a fox or wearing socks.

12:34 AM- I liked dinner so well, I posted my menu to the food board I participate in.

12:58 AM- With the leftovers put away, dishes in the dishwasher and everything squared away I gratefully turn in for the night.

BONUS PICTURE- Something New. Will brought me white tulips; new flowers in the house. Thanks! : )

Outline Adjustment

My body image has always been skewed. I was a chubby 'tween and uncomfortable with my looks for most of my life. About four years ago, I lost the unhealthy amount of weight I gained after my mom passed. Just now, looking in the bathroom mirror before returning to my office, I realized that I didn't need to stand up straighter or suck in my stomach to appear fit and slender... I AM! The constant disappointment that I felt when looking at my face and body in any reflective surface is gone. Yay me!

Why I'm Grateful For Refrigeration

As one of my favorite comedians, Chris Rock, once said: "Back in the day, a pork chop would kill you! Now, pork's your FRIEND." I dreamed last night of pulling package after package of opened bacon from the meats drawer of my refigerator. I thought to myself, "How much bacon does one person need?" It reminded me of the SNL skit featuring Ed Grimley and Tina Turner where she calls to borrow oranges but his cupboards are filled with nothing but onions, sending Ed into a frenzy. Thank you, refrigerators, for making my dreams of pork come true!

I Have A Red Sock In My Laundry

Depression is like a red sock in my white load of laundry. It colors everything it touches. What do you do when the most exciting thing you can think of is finally getting home and pulling the covers over your head? These days I look forward to it more than lunch. I make plans with friends, buy tickets to events I know I'll enjoy and talk with the people who care about me regularly. It all feels forced to me. Do my friends notice or is this how I always seem to them?

Right now, the most upsetting thing is not coping with this illness, but how it colors my relationships. I am not broken, but this may make me seem damaged; unable to care for myself and eventually become a burden too heavy to bear. I am responsible for getting better, seeking help and remaining faithful to my course of treatment. Me. Not my family, friends or anyone else. I am not in denial about the quality, severity or duration of this illness. Still I am ashamed of my depression. A part of me believes that I am less than whole because of it. A part of me believes that the person that matters the most to me believes it, too.

Without The Third Leg, The Stool Tips Over

Have you ever felt like someone was doing something just to hurt your feelings, but behaving like that is so incongruent with how you've experienced them in the past that maybe you're just paranoid? I'm confused, and it's weaving a small thread of anxiety through my life right now. Compounding that is the fact that I'm feeling extremely misunderstood. I almost always know why I'm doing one thing or another, and can explain exactly why. I've come to find that key elements of my explanation get lost in the mind of the listener. Perhaps only every third word makes it in to the long term memory pan. Mix it all together and a complete fiction is born. The belief in that fiction is fortifying, apparently, since it is clung to most fervently and no amount of effort on my part can dislodge it. Guess what people? I'm out of dynamite.

12 of 12 December

6:50 AM - A nourishing breakfast of tea, vitamins and a Victorian era murder mystery. You know your day is going to be stressful when you have to unwind first thing in the morning.

8:22 AM - Pulling up to my office building with minutes to spare. I'm just that good. Today is the day of our formal holiday party. Since I live too far from the office to go home and change before the event, it's going to be a long day.

10:10 AM - I'm in the midst of preparing my expense report from my last business trip and placing a space reservation in our president's alumni publication.

11:38 AM - I eat my turkey, havarti and cranberry chutney sandwich while organizing my calendar. I'm really booked in December!

2:54 PM - I get to take a huge stack of approved marketing expenditures to finance. They'll rue the day they asked for all spending to be completed before Christmas. RUE THE DAY!

6:11 PM - I've just had my makeup done in advance of the formal party tonight. I have eyebrows! At last!

6:37 PM - I love this dress that I found on eBay. My favorite thing about vintage gowns is that you know that no one else will have anything like it.

7:33 PM - There are about thirteen numbers' difference between the table they told me I was sitting and where I actually found my place card. I really like everyone at this table, and I know we'll have fun at the party. The first course has pancetta in it. I'm optimistic about the food so far.

9:33 PM - The meal was okay until this ersatz BS hit my plate. White chocolate is never a favorite, but this low rent mousse was like Crisco whipped with sugar. Ask me how I know. Answer: I was impatient to lick the beaters whenever my mom made a cake. I've eaten my fair share of sugared Crisco.

9:40 PM - My colleagues definitely enjoy the open bar and unlimited wine service at the table.

10:05 - When the band launches in to "Old Time Rock 'n' Roll" the crowd goes wild. If they play "Sing, Sing, Sing" next, there will be a riot.

11: 12 PM - My childhood friend Lowly Worm always greets me with a smile. The cats are fond of him as well. Lowly and his apple provide hours of entertainment.

Bonus Pictures.

OCTOBER. I love a man in uniform. He looks like he would have lots to talk about, but really he's all flash.

NOVEMBER. Flannel is a make hay while the sun is shining type of dude. His watch word: vigilance.

12 of 12 If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics: 1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH. 2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic. 3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea. 4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics. 5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional. 6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12." 7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.) (The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.) ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.