Only Hee Haw Can Save Me Now

I don't talk much on here about my job, mostly because I really like the work I do and the challenges and responsibility I have. I've gotten more opportunities to impact the business in very visible ways than at any other company I've worked for. There's a worm in the apple, though. Being responsive to whimsical demands is fine, as long as I get my props. All year long. Not just at bonus time. If you are a boss and read this blog; say thank you to the people who work for you. IN PUBLIC. A LOT. Take them to lunch once in a while. Do not give them a corner office with a balcony then say that they can't have that office after all because what if someone more important joins the department.

So, I feel like I've achieved everything they'll let me achieve and I'm thinking that I might want something new. Scary. I've had other opportunities in the past and the biggest thing for me is that I want to work my work around the life changes I'm facing in the next five years; marriage and my first child. That's always in the back of my head when I'm listening to someone talk about a position they think might be coming up.

Recently, I've had some pretty sweet talking from a place that I would definitely consider. Some of the right things have been mentioned so far; working from home, same level of responsibility I have now, products and people I really like. I sent my resume and a description of what I currently do. I was supposed to meet the hiring manager today at a panel discussion I was participating in. He didn't show and my contact acted really squirrely. Really wouldn't talk to me. Now my Inner Conspiracy Brother is whispering in my ear that my experience wasn't strong enough, working retail for two years mid-career is résumé POISON. Is it because I wore a cool, funky outfit instead of a suit? Well, that's what you'd get if I worked for you. If suit wearing is required, look somewhere else. Dresses, yes. Skirts, yes. Boring Corporate Cookie Cutter pants suits. NO. So what if I'm not what they're looking for. I still like the company, and they really should get the person that would be best. I can imagine, too, that they may be afraid that hiring me would queer the relationship with my parent company. Maybe so, maybe not. WHATEVER. Do I need a reality check? I think so. What do you think?

That board from the Hee Haw fence needs to come out and whack me in the butt so I can snap out of it. Here's a picture of Sonny James about to get one in the keister.

People Are Great, Except That They Suck.

Allow me to express my frustration with the fiscally ignorant. Those folks who put the cart before the horse, money-wise. This post stems from the recent failure of a contract on my condo. The buyer in question didn't initial all those cross spaces on the real estate contract, and when we sent it back to her, for final ratification, she crapped out. If you know you only make X and the contract says your mortgage payment will be Y, and you still put down a deposit and THEN get the money whim-whams and vapors, I think you've got a kick in the pants coming to you. That's all I have to say about that. To add insult to injury, my Realtor suggests giving this doofus money; "a little breathing room" if you will. FOOL, if you can't afford my fabulous, perfect for one person and extraordinarily reasonably priced one bedroom condo, home ownership is not in your future. Take up a hobby. Learn to knit. You won't be using your DIY skills any time soon. I am not going to run after you with a hat full of money and beg you to take the place off my hands. GAH!

Ahoy, Bitches!

Tomorrow is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I love this day because it marks the anniversary of telling a risque joke to a group of high level colleagues AND my boss. I KILLED with this joke and brought joy to everyone's day. The best part was I PIRATED the joke from Robot Chicken.

If between now and tomorrow, you want to memorize some handy words to get in the spirit, practice here.

We're also going to the Maryland Renaissance Festival on Saturday for Pirate's Weekend. We'll be joining our friends who started their romance aboard a Pirates Royale cruise in Annapolis and ended it at the altar. Ha, ha. Just kidding. I'm almost 99% sure romance survives marriage.

Non-pirate-but-RenFest-related request: Please produce historical evidence that some element of the population during the Renaissance wore leather chaps with a horse's tail attached to their naked ass and chain mail bras when going to market. Anyone? Because that is the hot-ticket outfit I get to see whenever I go to the festival. I guess I can take it as long as no portly Storm Troopers show up. When did the Empire build a time machine, and why go FORWARD in time when you could go BACK and take over from the beginning IN YOUR OWN GALAXY?

12 of 12 September 2007

5:36 AM - Pepper says that he's holding his breath until I put food in his dish. He knows the food container is right over his shoulder in the pantry. It galls him every day that he cannot open it himself.


6:45 AM- My morning drive takes me through a condo community built in the late 1940's that GMiller and I fantasized about living in for years until we actually saw how dinky they were in side. Old timey folks had less personal space requirements than folks in modern times, I guess.


6:53 AM - I'm driving too fast to get a good picture of this speed trap on Rock Creek Parkway. Eat my dust, suckers!


7:19 AM- The last thing I do before going in to the office is take the butterfly clip off my bangs. Because I don't use a hair dryer, the clip is the only thing keeping my hair from becoming a flat mess.


11:31 AM- My chicken and spaghetti lunch. I have to remember to reheat the chicken and spaghetti separately. If I cook them together the chicken is still cold in the middle. Yuck!


3:30 PM- This is my desk drawer secret, and probably why I can't loose the 5 lbs. I gained in New Orleans. I think we can all agree that it is a shame to waste perfectly good caramels, so it is my duty as an efficient consumer to eat them. I'm saving the planet, people!


4:20 PM- In preparation for our office move, we've got to empty all our furniture of trash. This credenza was full of it! This is where I put stuff that I was told to save for other people and then never asked for again. Now I can say that it didn't survive the move and it will be TRUE.


4:57 PM- My trash can overfloweth. Our cleaning people must love us... we all have mountains of trash every night as we clean out our offices. Perhaps I'm not the planet champion that I pretended to be to legitimize overeating. Hoist by my own petard! I'm still eating those caramels, though.


5:03 PM- Leaving for the day and on my way to a happy hour party at a friend's PR agency. Their offices are down the street from my house, so even if I wanted to make and excuse and not go, I would not be able to. I like these folks, so seeing them is always a pleasure.


5:28 PM- This is the tunnel that marks the beginning of no cell reception on my daily commute. I don't know whether it's my service or the trees have a hate-on for me, but no calls come in or out. Better to concentrate on driving...


7:10 PM- At the agency, I see a car that looks a lot like mine, and nothing like the agency owner's in her spot. WTF? I just parked in a garage down the street and hoofed it up to the party. IN HEELS. There better be margaritas in there.


9:47 PM- There were margaritas and plenty of good eats. I especially liked the chicken empanadas. Mostly because there was cheese in them. I took this picture as I was saying my goodbyes. They guests helped with leftovers by not leaving any. :)


BONUS PICTURE- This peach pie I made was UNEXPECTEDly good. I used a tape measure to get the lattice pieces the right width, and summoned all my paper weaving skills from the first grade to figure out the lattice pattern. Now I am scornful of the half-assed lattice on Whole Foods pies where they don't bother to weave and merely stack the dough strips.

If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics:1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH.2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic.3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea.4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics.5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional.6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12."7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.)(The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.)ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.

It Shouldn't Happen To A Dog

All-star athlete and recent media magnet Michael Vick is getting a lot of "boo-hoo" coverage in the press. He has to go to jail! He could loose his career! What a gifted player! It's a tragedy!

What a load of crap.

What no press story that I've heard or read seems to focus on is that he and his friends were unimaginably cruel to animals. FOR PROFIT. Michael Vick -ten million dollars is not enough? You have to electrocute dogs so they will kill each other in order for you to clear an extra hundred? You need some pocket money for Arby's or something? Shame on you.

I see people comparing dog fighting to human sports like boxing and football. There are several flaws to this argument, but I'll only touch on two:

1. Humans choose to fight for sport. Animals don't. Left to their own devices animals will fight for resources like food, shelter, appropriate reproduction partners. They do not fight for fun. Animals under human influence develop unnatural aggression, and we foster that tendency by selecting aggressive animals to reproduce and treating them badly during life. We choose to fight for fun. This is wrong.

2. In human sport, the death of your opponent is not the goal. When humans force animals to fight, it is. Whether the losing animal is killed by the winner, or by its handler after the fight, losing means death for these creatures. Not a nice "this shot will make you sleep" death either, but a violent, prolonged, tortuous death.

Whether Michael Vick is a talented athlete is not as important as the fact that he is a flawed human being. The press talks about him as an object, a concept, an engine for profit. Just like the dogs he abused. Perhaps his dog fighting ring holds psychological resonance for him. Perhaps he uses the dogs to act out how betrayed he feels by society. He knows that even though he's rich and famous he's got no credibility where it matters. That he was only defined by his physical abilities. Never seen as a person. I don't have any sympathy for him. To make an excuse for him based on any of the influences I've described is to continue to deny his humanity, the essence of which is free will . He made a choice every day to be cruel. He could have chosen not to.

Overheard at the Montgomery County Fair

This past Sunday GMiller and I braved the sweltering temperatures and headed to the Montgomery County Fair. There are attendants in the ladies rooms (odd). MY attendant was talking on the phone with nonstop animation to another attendant:

"I heard that they're so crowded that they've turned the men's room into a men's and ladies' room over there.... Yes, men and women... I tell you - that's a STRONG bathroom!"

I tipped her a buck because she made me laugh. I bet that was a STRONG bathroom. Apparently not just farm animals smell in the heat.

Can You Smell What The Rock Is Cookin'?

Gavin and I got my engagement ring yesterday. We decided to go to Mervis and I'm so glad we did. I got the ring of my dreams and it didn't cost the earth. Hooray! We're still debt free!

How Do You Want The Eggs On That Coonass? Visiting New Orleans

I got the chance to visit my favorite city, New Orleans, for work last week. GMiller arranged to join me. While I was in seminars, he visited all sorts of military exhibits. Of course, we took lots of pictures. Walking at Jackson Square at dusk, Gavin took this picture of the cathedral.



When we checked in the room was warm. What do you expect of New Orleans in June. Gavin fidgets with the thermostat. I promise him that the room is not nearly as hot as it will be...



That night after finding Irene's closed, we settle for a late supper at Gordon Beirsch. I'll let you be the judge of the quality of the meal based on the expression on Gavin's face.



To my delight, the Monday luncheon speaker at my conference was Chef Paul Prudhomme. I bought a book got an autograph and had my picture made with Chef. I almost cried at lunch, I was so excited.



Wandering the French Quarter I saw this sign. I don't know many cats who answer to one name leave alone two. When I holler No, No at my cats, they tend to run.



This da-glo bike was a trip. We later saw the owner zooming down Decatur shouting "I'm pretty hard to miss on this!" I'll say.



Trashy Diva is the dress shop of my dreams. I am enraptured.



Our dinner at Emeril's was only meh. It was an experience that I was curious about, since I love Tchoup Chop in Orlando. The best part of this meal was that I got some art inspiration in the ladies room. They've used photographs as some of the tiles.



There's not much graffiti in the Quarter. There aren't many people there, either. I suppose one begets the other. This piece struck my funny bone.



This cat in a Warehouse District window didn't have much to say to Gavin, but apparently he was a member of the RKD fan club. When I started talking to him, he went nuts!



A lot of New Orleans is still in ruins. One of the casualties was the Fairmont Hotel which housed the Sazerac bar. The site was said to be the originator of the cocktail, and that first cocktail is supposed to be the Sazerac, a mix of rye, bitters and anise liqueur. Sounds odd but is delicious. My back up Sazerac supply is found at Arnaud's French 75 bar on Bienville.





Before driving to Baton Rouge to see the USS Kidd, we stop at Cafe Du Monde. I like beignets. A lot.



While aboard, I place a ship to shore call. Did you know battle ships don't come with a cruise director?



Friday morning, we elect to let Fate decide where we'll eat on our way to the Audobon Zoo. We hit upon Slim Goodie's, which was awesome. Gavin got the Jewish Coonass; two latkes with eggs and crawfish etoufee on. I got the Creole Slammer which is bacon, cheese, eggs and chili over hash browns.



Look at the darling monkey I saw at the zoo.



Ooops! This is the monkey. Really.



Gavin took this Heather B shout out mermaid picture. There were several sculptures by this artist in the gallery. We visited after hours and didn't get to go in.



I came home to my very own art installation courtesy of Pepper.



Bonus photo: My future husband. Gavin proposed while we were away. Of course I said YES!


Photos not property of RKD are provided by GMiller. Thanks!

Moses, I love ya.

I am so queer for this movie. I will watch it whenever it's on, like now, and I cry EVERY TIME. The voice of God just woke up Pepper. He doesn't just talk to Moses, apparently.

I read in a great book, "Harlot By The Side of The Road" how Tziporah saved Moses when God sent a spirit to smite HIM. She circumcised him. He was set in the basket before the Bris, I guess, and Ra didn't go in for that sort of thing. So Mr. Ten Commandments was not right in the eyes of the Lord. Good thing he married a quick thinking Shicksa, or it would all be over before it began. Girls rule!

Interesting that Ralph Feinnes plays evil enslaver Rameses, a human god AND Lord Voldemort evil enslaver who wishes he were a god. HMMMM...

12 of 12 June 07

5:15 AM - Pepper is quite angry that I've shut the cover on his food dish. He huffed out of the kitchen and threw himself on the floor in a fit. I have no sympathy for him. I hope he throws a hairy cat fit and works off some of that fat.



5:17 AM - I love salmon cream cheese on pumpernickel toast.



5:20 AM - Flannel knows he's handsome, so he's trying to smarten up the place with his handsome man poses.



6:37AM - I get a great view of all the presidential monuments on my way to work. I'm going in early to prepare materials for a class I'm teaching tomorrow. It is marketing related; I haven't switched jobs.



11:30AM - This Whole Foods has a great prepared foods section. I'm sure they put it in just for us office workers. Something tells me that that part of town is pretty dead after hours.



11:48AM - Back at my desk, I can dig in to the parfait that I got for dessert. I am a fool for parfait. You will never catch me saying "Hell no I don't want no parfait!"



2:20 PM - I just found out that we're going to have to spend an extra $40k a year to complete the project that I've been working on for a year and a half. Big picture it's not that much money, but my boss is funny about that stuff.



6:40PM - I won't get a chance to exercise tomorrow, so I have to get to class even though it's late and has started to rain. Boo hoo, poor me!



6:52 PM - The rain is really heavy, which surprises me since there were no showers predicted for today.



6:55 PM - Everything looks a little more clear when Justin Timberlake is in view.



8:05 PM - Say goodbye to exercise class, everyone! Be sure to thank the nice teacher for making the muscles in your arms sizzle like eggs on a hot griddle.



8:26 PM - Again with the Washington Monument. You'd think it was the tallest thing in the city the way it's horning in all my pictures. Oh, wait... By law it IS the tallest thing in the city. Glory hound.



BONUS PICTURE: SECRET - My secret is that I love eating so much that I would rather die an early death than change anything about my diet.