Postsecret Truth

I was reading the new Postsecret book on Sunday. There was a card which read "my heart is stupid". I showed it to my friend, saying that was my secret. But since I just told her, it wasn't a secret anymore. She gave me a look that told me she already knew my heart was stupid. I suspect others know my secret, too.

Pie Makes Me Weep

I have an deeply emotional relationship with food. I grew up in a household where every step of preparing and sharing a meal from shopping, to cooking to the actual eating was a way to physically nourish those who emotionally and spiritually nourished us. Dining together was a way to reconnect, to strengthen the bonds we shared. Even when I am alone, I prepare meals and dine at the table, treating myself with the importance of a family. When I'm in a relationship, the sharing of meals with purpose is as important to me as stopping whatever I'm doing to affectionately greet with purpose the one who shares so much happiness with me after a time apart.

Thanksgiving dinner is the zenith of my expression of love through food. In many ways it is more important to me than Christmas. This year, I'm joining friends. I'm looking forward to the ritual of preparing and sharing today's meal. So much so, in fact, that I got misty at the stacks of pies in the Balducci's bakery. I like to think that the bakers made a special effort, and wished the recipients of their efforts well as they worked to put those most comforting desserts together. Pie does not usually make me weep, but Thanksgiving pie... bring out the Kleenex!

Peking Duck Novice No Longer

So I went out with some friends to Spices tonight. We had decided to get Peking duck, along with some other menu items. I have to say, I tasted more cucumber and hoisin sauce than duck. Others who had eaten this preparation in the past said that the skin could have been crispier. I would agree. All the descriptions of this dish that I've read indicate that the skin is supposed to crackle off the bird. When all is said and done, I would probably explore other menu items before going this route again.

I was hoping that they would bring the whole bird to the table and whack its head off a la A Christmas Story. No dice on that one. They carved it table side, but it was without head and feet.

Brothers!

After more than a year together, my cats are finally the companions for each other that I'd hoped. I caught them napping today.
Very different from the first day they met. Things were not so cozy that day.

I Love Dr. The King!

I love Rev. Dr. Martin Luther The King! I have a picture of him in my office. It's taken a long time, but finally the groundbreaking ceremony for the new Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial was in DC earlier this week. One of my co-workers sent me a photo collection of the event. Guess who was in the crowd? Not Nick Cannon, though he was there. That's right, DC's "Mayor for Life" Marion Barry. It completely calls to mind Chris Rock's comments on the Million Man March; "Even in our finest hour, we had a crackhead on stage." Chris is wise. So wise. Oddly, Rev. Jesse Jackson, who was not at Coretta Scott King's funeral, was at the ceremony. What's the story behind THAT, I wonder.

I was in Memphis last year and we drove by the Lorraine Motel on our way to dinner. I didn't realize where we were until the car rounded the bend. What a shockeroo! I immediately began crying my eyes out. Not for nothin', but what kind of MF city has a statue to the founding member of the Klan in the middle of the city park and a memorial to the most effective and influential leaders of the American Civil Rights Movement within miles of each other? It figures that King would have his life stolen in that cracker-ass city.

12 of 12 November

6:30 AM - Have You Seen the Little Piggies? If Pepper and Flannel had watches, every hour would say "chowtime". They eat as if they are in a prison cafeteria; one eye on the food and one eye on each other. Pepper is always looking to steal Flannel's food even though they eat the exact same thing.

I'm up this early because I'm trying to decide whether I have time to work out in Arlington, VA before I have to be in Poolesville, MD at 10:30. I don't.





8:15 AM - Out of the shower and ready to start the day.





9:15 AM - Every time I go to my facialist, I bring all the products I use so we can evaluate how effective they are. I swear I use more lotions, potions and unguents on my face than I do actual cosmetics. I better look this good for a long-ass time.

10:30 AM - This is where I'll spend the next three hours or so. My facialist had to reschedule a couple of times this weekend, so I get a free glycolic peel. I love this woman. She always takes her time and works to make sure that I'm comfortable and my skin has never looked better. She's wonderful.

2:50 PM - I'm so involved in listening to the Tavis Smiley show, that I missed my exit onto 495 and end up near the Tyson's corner mall. I'm about 20 minutes from home, so I just circle the mall and get back on the right track.




3:20 PM - I take a drive by National Park Seminary. I've wanted to live here ever since I heard they were rehabbing it. The prices on the units left are far beyond my means, but I keep hoping that since they are so far behind in thier construction schedule that people will start dropping out on the preliminary contracts on units that I can aspire to.


3:35 PM - "Nobody's perfect." What a great line. Some Like it Hot is a great movie.

3:50 PM - Now that the heat is on in my building, I set up the humidifier to combat the dry air. Pepper hates this thing. He smacked it twice and tried to bite it within 10 minutes of my setting it up.

4:10 PM - The urge to purge has overtaken me. Two bags full of clothes to ratty to donate and some extremely over the hill seat cushions are ready to go to the dumpster.

7:05 PM - Dinner is ready. I made sage chicken and sausages. This recipe makes enough for lunches for the rest of the week. I know that we have a big presentation to get out during the middle of the week; I'll have more than one late night.

7:57 PM - Frozen chocolate covered bananas for dessert. Trader Joe's stocks these sporadically, so I buy lots of them when I can. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, and these are just right when I want something desserty.

9: 40 PM - My facialist gave me some bottles of my favorite curly girl hair care line, DevaCurl. This is especially for redheads. I wonder if it will make a remarkable difference.

Bonus Picture: Thankful I am thankful that I got to share the last few years with someone so important to me. I feel as if we're at the beginning of a new understanding that will make our lives better. I like knowing that I'm cared for.

12 of 12
If you are new to 12 of 12 - here are the basics: 1) ALL PHOTOS MUST BE TAKEN ON THE 12TH OF EACH MONTH. 2) After you post your pictures onto a webpage of your choice (Livejournal, typepad, MySpace, Flickr, etc...) please post the TIME, LOCATION, and A SMALL COMMENT in the pic. 3) You own the rights to all of your pictures. The idea "12 of 12" is Chad Darnell's. While credit is not necessary, please don't credit someone else with the idea. 4) The original concept was at least one body part in the picture. That idea was slowly faded away. The important part is that it is 12 pics. 5) The monthly Bonus pic is a 13th picture and is optional. 6) When referring to the project, please refer to it as "12 OF 12" - not "12 ON 12." 7) Once completed, please e-mail or post the PERMALINK of the post AND the city and state or city and country of WHERE THE PICTURES WERE TAKEN. (If you are on vacation, it's where the pics were taken.) (The permalink is the link to the ENTRY of your page. If you just send me your website, I have to track it down. By listing the permalink, it helps for people to go back and view your previous 12 of 12 entries from previous months.) ANYONE is welcome to join in, even if you've never done it before! I hope you will.

Turning the Titanic

I decided several weeks ago to attend a happy hour tonight that was being sponsored by a group that I've socialized with in the past and had a good time with. The event was being held at a "European-style" lounge in DC. European means no decoration and neon uplighting, for those of you that were wondering. One sip of my $6 (on special, normally $12) cosmo cleaned the plaque off my teeth. Bottled lime juice, anyone? I'm discussing the merits of Bruce Lee in general and as Kato in the Green Hornet series in particular when the jackass that waged a harassment and threat campaign on me in October walks in. Fine. There are over 200 people in the bar. We don't have to cross paths. I continue to talk, people move in and out of the conversation as they mingle. I notice that Jackass is slowly working the crowd to get closer. Nuts to that! I do not need any more drama with this guy. I leave, but I wasn't ready for the night to be over.

Once I'm back in Silver Spring, I head over to Ray's the Classics. I figure if the bar is too crowded, I can just snag some Chik-fil-A for dinner. The slowly sinking ship of my evening is completely salvaged by a great seat at the bar, a tall Dark and Stormy and a perfectly done hangar steak. The maitre d' tries to tempt me with the caramel apple desert. "Next time" I promise. The place is practically empty so I end up talking with the bartenders most of my meal. This was the happy hour experience that I was looking for. Easy conversation, fantastic cocktails, great food. Ray's turned the Titanic for me.

I've gone to the dogs!

I took a test to see what sort of dog I would be. Hamilton Hound turns out to be my canine alter ego. I have never heard of this breed, but I'm more familiar with the AKC breeds. I think this is a British based site.

New Lamps for Old

Embracing change is something I’ve been learning to do for the past six years or so. Life had arranged itself, as it often does, to show me that the methods I was using to affect positive change were inadequate. I found the right person to show me new ways to think about myself and approach situations. During this process, I learned some hard truths. The close and loving relationship I had with my mother was in fact insular and damaging. I had been taught to push people away. My lack of empathy was astonishing. It doesn’t help that I’m hard wired as an ENTJ, where thought and reason come before feelings. I had to learn to fit others in to my life, and allow them to care for me. Another hard truth about myself: Caring is a learned skill for me, not an instinct. I had to learn to relax my boundaries, testing myself to accept as a first instinct as opposed to default rejection.

In my last long term relationship, I was deeply in love. My first experience with love as the more emotionally capable person I am now; my first experience with a love that could blossom into a lifetime commitment. From my perspective, we were deeply connected, intertwined in a way that was not based on feelings of dependency or need, but focused more on enjoying the people we were separately and what we became when we were together. I cared about him easily, because he is desperately appealing to me. Caring for people in his life that did not appeal to me was a challenge that I didn’t always meet successfully. My effort was apparent, though I never flagged in my commitment to try.

I also came to care about other people in his life, people that DID appeal to me. There were relationships that I cultivated, that mattered to me, that are now gone, because my love relationship is over. After three years of entertaining these people, sharing milestones in their lives, welcoming new babies, animated conversations, and meals prepared and shared in friendship it’s all gone. Now I feel like they only saw me as an accessory that my partner carried with him, like his keys or his wallet. It did not make a difference to them whether I was there or not. I understand that part of the happiness I felt over the past three years was as a direct result of what I shared with these people. It doesn’t retroactively diminish the quality of the last few years of my life, but it certainly makes me think less of them now. One of my friends has been generous in offering him the goodwill of continued friendship. One of my friends has chosen him and not me. A couple of his friends see me, but don’t invite me to social functions they host, though I certainly have no restrictions on how or when I see them.

As my life begins to take its new shape, I find that it is easier for me to reach out to others, to ask for what I need and to enjoy people as they are. I’m starting new friendships that may deepen or they may not. I am having a good time in the moment with these new folks. They are important to me. As long as they wish to share their friendship with me, I’ll graciously accept it. These new people in my life give me light and warmth, they combine with the people who have remained constant in my life to help me feel connected, and less alone. I am grateful for them.

Water Fountain, It Is ON! Humidifier, You're NEXT!

My cat Pepper has a love/hate relationship with his drinking fountain. He loves to drink from it, and ends every slurping session with a hellatious bite on the lid over the spout. He's got crocodile jaws with crazy psi. I'm afraid that he'll crack the lid one day, but mostly it just ends up in the water reservoir.

He's fascinated by the humidifier as well. He'll stare at the machine for hours, waiting for bubbles to rise as the water is distributed into the air. His attempts to put the croco-jaws on that aren't as effective as the Pat-A-Cake attack. SWAT! That will show the humidifier who's boss.